An Affordable Queer Gift Guide for Broke Bitches

Being broke is nothing to be ashamed of. At least you’re still pretty, right? But you can’t give your friend a framed photo of you without seeming like a bitch, so you might want to lock in and start finding some quality gifts for your queer friends. Even if they’re on the cheap side. Good news, though, your search is over. We collected some of the sweetest, silliest, and trend-subversive gifts for your gay friends. Trust us, if they don’t own these already then they’ll be grateful to have a friend like you making sure they’re in touch with their culture. 

SURPRISE THEM WITH A NEW SERVE

Carabiners:

If your little lesbian friend doesn’t already have a carabiner, then they’re failing at their own sexuality. The fun part about being gay is making sure every other gay person knows exactly what you are based on your wardrobe, especially accessories.As the carabiner resurgence fingerblasts through the lesbian community, it’s become a hard and fast flagging method for women looking for other women. And why not have some fun with it? Get a multi-color pack so they can coordinate to their outfits. Plus, they could be even cooler and learn carabiner code for when they hook that baby onto their belt loop. Pro-tip: right = bottom, left = top. Don’t fuck it up like me during my first few days of the carabiner life.

Hair tinsel: 

Gay people love glitter, okay? I think it’s universally understood that all gays, regardless of gender or sexuality, love a little sparkle here and there. One of the best ways to add some shine to the dreary queer is through hair tinsel. Fun, easy, and anti-mess, you’d have to be insane to pass up on one of the best fashion trends to make their way from music festivals to everyday life. It’s customizable, from color to cut, and can give your gay friend the chance to make their looks even more eccentric than they already are. For the low low price of what equates to two oat milk lattes, you can buy your friend a dose of dopamine in the form of a temporary hair accessory.

FOR THE SAD AND YEARNING

Pritty Book:

Pritty, written by Keith F. Miller Jr., is a book for your emotionally bloated bestie that will remedy the drought of quality queer romances. The book follows Jay, a soft-hearted high school senior, and his romance with heartthrob “bad boy” Leroy. Taking place among the territory rivalries of Savannah, Georgia, things heat up in more ways than one. If the tension isn’t enough to sell you on the book, remember how deprived your gay best friend must feel watching any show ever. For once, give them some solid rep and it might just be the right level of sentimental. Plus, books don’t break the bank.

Boygenius CD:  

Has your sapphic friend been a debbie downer lately? It’s because Boygenius broke up. It’s okay, let them mourn, and give them something to clutch when they’re crying over their loss. A CD isn’t exactly a vinyl, but it’ll be a portable present that will carry the same significance nonetheless. Boygenius might not be making any more music, but “the record” left behind a lifelong impression on a lot of sapphics that have experienced the agonizing torture of a situationship. You can be the source of comfort they’ve been waiting for, or you can remind them of the worst day of their life all over again. It’s a toss up.

WEAR SEXUALITY LIKE A NEON SIGN IN A SEX SHOP

"Bicon" Shirt: 

The simplest thing you can do is get someone a shirt with their sexuality in bold on the front. Why not, right? Pride month is coming up, anyway, and your bi bestie needs something to wear. We all need a reminder that we’re that bitch every once in a while, but nobody does iconic like a bisexual. A cropped tee is a timeless classic that’ll never go out of style and, whether the goal is couch-rotting or club-going, a bicon is a bicon. And if they aren't feeling so super showing off their sexuality, then peruse our shop for other silly sexual options.

"Live Laugh Lesbian" Shirt: 

Chances are your lesbian friend wants everyone else to know they’re a lesbian too. And, back for round two, the t-shirt is the best way to do it. Played off of the basic white bitch slogan, “live, laugh, love,” your local lesbian needs no reminder to love when women just exist, but they do want to let those women know exactly what they are: a lesbian. The colors are eye-catching for all the right reasons. One word for why this shirt works: boobs. Gay girls are going to be looking (respectfully) and the confirmation might as well be there, no room for interpretation. Trust me, wearing a colorful sign on your tits might be the blaring alarm your lesbian friend needs to get some bitches.

CRINGE CULTURE IS DEAD, LAUGHS ARE FOR A LIFETIME

Bertram Tapestry: 

Too often do we sleep on the gay icon Kevin Chamberlain. While known for his role on the Disney Channel show Jessie as the bristled butler, Bertram, and his role as The Wizard of Oz in Broadway’s production of Wicked, Chamberlain is most known for becoming the internet's patron saint for quirky queers. Images of him circulated the gay pockets of social media as reaction images and Chamberlain absolutely owned it. Fabulous and funny, a tapestry of our modern gay father figure is an absolute need. Put some respect on the man that raised the awkward bridge generation between Gen X and Millennials by hanging his portrait like its a pride flag.

Bumper Stickers: 

The gayest person you know is also the worst driver you know. Maybe it’s time they own that shit. Notorious for a lack of driving finesse, it’s our civil duty to make sure the road knows that our friend might not be the best person to drive next to (or behind or in front of or be anywhere near on a busy street, frankly). Play your part in the well-being of the driving community by purchasing a pack of stickers that are cute and let approaching drivers know when your friend takes to the streets. Queer people love to customize anything and everything, especially their cars. What easily doubles as a cheeky yet warranted warning can be the perfect gift for your local gay. 

SAVE UP AND SHIP OUT

And there you have it, a comprehensive list for the spend-savvy shopper looking to get their gay friend a gift. Now that you’ve solidified your fate as the friend that puts a price on their friendships, you can at the very least personalize your pick from this small collection of presents. Kidding… kinda. On behalf of queers, we wish you luck on your quest to find the right fit for us. It’s the thought that counts, anyway.